What do you think is the most significant factor that determines whether the running process would be successful or not. Is it because of the lunch that day? Is it the because of the road condition? Is it because of the speed? No! It is the weather! The sunshine, the breeze, the fog, everything pretty during the normal days become horrible while running.
First of all, the sunshine is a flame which burns my skin, my eye and my mind. I often run at four o’clock at back field. During that period of time, the sunlight straightly spreads on my face and blinds my eyes. To tell the truth, I am really afraid of the sun. It can not only make my skin dark but also hurt my eyes. It is just too hard for me to open my eyes under the sun. When I was young, my mother always got angry at summer because I refused to take pictures with her when we hang out. It was really just because I hated to open my eyes reluctantly to look at the camera when the sun was shinning dazzling.
You might ask me how's cloudy days. Emm, not better at all. Breeze, one of the best characters in love stories, is just a stomach killer for me now. I love the breeze when it strokes over my skin; I love the breeze when it blows up my hair; I love the breeze when it takes way the hot. I just cannot stand the breeze when it drills into my mouth on the sneak, walks through my throat and pumps itself into my stomach. The hurt shows up abruptly, without any caution, even a slight hint. Immediately, I would press on my stomach and bend my back. The pain would last from 3 minutes to 10 minutes, and only disappears when the breeze want to leave after having fun and running around in my body.
Don’t forget about the fog, which is Nancy’s favorite. I beg that she will not like it anymore if she attempts to run in a foggy day. When running in a foggy day, every single hair on my arms would be wet and sticky. The pores on my skin are all stemmed by those tiny tinny droplets in the air, and it makes me feel uncomfortable just like sunning in a swimming pool with full of jelly inside. What’s worse, influenced by the cold air and spray, I cannot breathe regularly. Every time I open my mouth, a large amount of spray would swarm into it. To deal with this, I have to wear a respirator. However, the respirator actually restraint my breath either. How difficult it is to exercise with a satisfied mind towards the objective condition!
I have thought about running in the gym before, which can absolutely help me stay away from the bother of atmosphere. However, I really dislike the smell and stagnant air inside. You see, I guess the reality is that I JUST DO NOT LIKE RUNNING. Therefore, I decide not to find any reasons and compliments but just run! Fighting! For perseverance and fitness!
I liked your hook at the beginning, but I actually want to know more about what the heather was like, to compare or contrast with your body. My suggestion is about the topic sentence for each paragraph, I think there should be a transition after last paragraph ends. And for grammar mistake, " pore" is singular form, and the word is probably "pores"
回复删除I like the way you wrote about the weather, such as how did the weather bother you and the feeling it gives you...etc.
回复删除Beside the weather, I would like to hear more about on you won feeling about running. Is it hard for you at the beginning, or what have change in your life?
You could add your personal feeling on your body paragraph, it will make the paragraph become more lively and interesting.
The last sentence in the introduction should change a little bit, it is kind of awkward and not smooth.